Monday, January 28, 2008
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Stanislav's Rants on Guido (www.order-order.com) plus whatever else tickles my fancy.
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- This blog is a compilation of Stanislav's Rants as they appear on Guido. It is neither operated nor sanctioned by him. If you don't like it, don't come back.
Its great news that smirking Plaguemaster and head of the NHS Death Camps is having his cage rattled; horrible, little cunt; what the fuck does he look like with that ladle ? But let's not forget good plumbing news come from abroad.
President of Haliburtonistan, Mr Mohammed Balti, says: Ashdown ? You is having a fucking laugh, innit. Ashdown is fucking tosser. Okay, Moslem boy has quick kiss and cuddle down in trench; is fucking miserable not know if fucking friendly napalm come in on fucking head off Uncle Sam and is long way from hairy Mrs, and kiss and cuddle among soldier is no big deal, is almost part of sentry duty, maybe some blokes is do J Arthur for each other when nobody is looking; is just tension. Not do no harm. Never know round here, either, if get hoisted off to Cuba for five year waterboarding holiday with specially-trained CIA holiday rep from MormonsUlike, beat seven kind of shit out of poor raghead. And play fucking Lady Sir Elton John record fullblast day and fucking night. All contribute to little bit of fraying round the edges of Moslem bloke sexual identity. Elton John serious war crime. Just imagine, get chained up on trolley in orange suit and listen to Elton fucking John for rest of fucking life, is no laughing matter, innit; no wonder blokes down in trench get smashed off head with big spliff and do little mutual Barclays Bank now and again. But is no way good Moslem boy take money off other bloke and shit in face, no fucking how is decent Afghani Tom, Dick or Ahmed some fucking shit-eating abomination. Get fucking court martial, not fucking job on front bench, like in UK. Member of Afghani Army is not fucking liberal democrat. Ashdown party is Great Satan, full of fucking freak and fucking nutter and worst of all is mad, drunken, cross-dressing, wife-beating child-molesting Jock infidel bastard like nutter OAP Campbell and AC/DC Ladyman Hughes,Q fucking C; dog murderers, perverts, arse bandits, drunks. Let Ashdown come in here and Kabul be laughing stock of fucking world; is fucking better off under fucking Taliban bloke, wander about, fire AK up in air all day long and say fucking prayer every five fucking minute than have fucking place go Liberal fucking Democrat. Everybody dress-up in cardy and sandal and have shit in face.
Ashdown? Fuck me, no, not in here stomping about the place like fucking Napoleon. Useless mouthy tosser. Is good for fuck all. Set up Afghan Branch of LibDem HQ in busiest gentlemans public toilet in Kabul and mince about all steely-eyed, peer in distance and say Y'know, Jonathan, I agree with everybody else on the panel but I do so love the smell of shit in the morning.
Representatives of Supreme Warrior Field Marshal Lord Pantsdown said that His Lordship, despite his unequaled heroic military stature and experience was actually quite fed up with being called a cunt. He's had it from everyone in his life, in the army, from the party; he's had it from Tony Blair, who shafted him rotten; his Mrs didn't trust him as far as she could piss and he was fucked if he was gonna have it from a load of smelly, stone-age ragheads.
No-one from Lord Panstdown's party was available to come on the programme; Mr Oaten, former home affairs spokesman was tied-up; Mr Kennedy was in rehab, again; it was Lady Sir Ming's day to play Scrabble with his carers; no-one knew, or cared, where or who the fuck Mr Clegg was and Baroness Lady Hairnet Williams was busy with her life's work, she was determined that children leave school unable to speak, as well as unable to read, write or add up, even on their fingers, like Mr Hain. An educated voter is a confused voter.
It fell to Mr Dave Flashman to offer a crumb of comfort to a naturally crestfallen Field Marshall Paddy Lord Pantsdown.
Pakis, said Dave, can't understand 'em, me. Paddy can always come and take our whip, so to speak, in the Lords. Doesn't matter him not being a Tory. Nor are we. Make a damn good goat meat curry though, the Pakis. Got some in m'shadow team, so I'm told. Gosh, I could murder a blowjob; is that Michael White still hanging around?
In other news, Lion of Fleet Street, bonny lad, Mr Toilets Maguire, has vowed to take his readers much more seriously; TV, tits and ass and adulterous premiership gangrapists are all very well but from today the Mirror is doing BINGO. Honest. Not invent. Kev's Fun Bingo. Toilets Maguire, we salute you.