stanislav said...A statement prepared by Mr Brown

stanislav said...

A statement prepared by Mr Brown on the event of his friend, lieutenant, and sister of his ADC, Mr Douglas McFerret, Miss Wendy McHalibut, being drummed oot the Gay Gordons. The statement was delivered by Mr Brown's plumber and honorary Jock, Mr stanislav, on the steps of Downing St., all government spokespersons being unavailable.



"I would just like to thank Ms Nessy for her sterling service to the Labour Party up in Scotland, one of the very best parts of England; for her shrewd and considered leadership and mature judgement. I would like to put on record the appreciation of all who believe in equality, social justice and opportunity, tempered, of course, with Obedience, for her exemplary conduct and most of all for the way in which she has harried that bitch, Salmond.

As I said, I would like to make these tributes but this loudmouthed, fish-faced, Jock slapper fuck-up has buggered us completely. We are totally fucked; we were fucked before but now we are so fucked we can't hardly walk, we are fucked in a way that Raymundo Mandelson of Los Tory Rentboys never endured, even when he was being squired by the entire Opposition front bench, William.

Not enough that that bastard Hain is up to his arse in it, not enough that Ed and his bitch are a laughing stock, that the party hasn't a pot to piss in, couldn't fight an election for parish councillor, not enough that CokeFace is running London, that the BNP beat us in Henley and those gravedigging bastards are all set to kick off again and half the country's soon to be in negative equity, shivering and carless, and that's just the tip of the fucking iceberg, comrades; as if this wasn't bad enough that fucking stupid ugly cow puts the cap on it by getting barred rfom that fucking pretend parliament, in Glasgow, or whatever jock shithole it's in. Thanks to this ugly minger we will all be a laughing stock, alright then, a bigger laughing stock.

Wendy Alexander has now completely rubbished, degraded and fucked the national Labour Party and if Sid and Doris, the party members, had any sense they'd throw me out and save what they can but axiomatically, the fact that I'm here at all, stuttering, is proof that they have no sense.

All is not lost though and the people of Britain may yet see me guide them through the global economic turbulence which has not been created either by myself or my friends in the banks but by terrorists at the Meteorolgical office; we may yet all benefit from the right long-term decisions for hard-working gullible, nomeless British families which I and only I can make, decisions like appointing the Alexanders to positions of influence and power.


Douglas Alexander, let us not forget, with His Grace the Earl Kinnock, was way ahead of Brother Mugabe, bringing a touch of ZimbabweDemocracy to the last, rigged, Jock election, even though it didn't quite produce the desired result, but he's only young, and I do love him so.

And Wendy, well, my tribute, and the debt we all owe her cannot be put into words.

We, or I, must not be sidetracked by shame, humiliation, incompetence, dishonesty and wretchdness. Let us not forget that when Brother Bush was at his lowest, in his first term, when people questioned his legitimacy and the result of the election, in his very darkest hour, the Lord sent the terrible events of nine-eleven to assist him. And who would doubt that his subsequent handling of events has made the world a much better place while greatly increasing the bank balances of some prominent Labour politicians and their witchwives.

And so it may prove with me, events, dear boy may deliver us from the abyss, from this black hour, into one deeper and darker yet.

As the great Labour poet, Dr Bob McDylan remarked When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose.

We will now sing the New British Psalm for Hard-working British families: Gordon is my shepherd, I shall not want, He maketh me down to lie, and shit in my face and tax me to death, the quiet waters by.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. There will be no further comment until the terrorist attack happens."

June 28, 2008 3:30 PM