Monday, December 3, 2007
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Stanislav's Rants on Guido (www.order-order.com) plus whatever else tickles my fancy.
Blog Archive
About Me
- Plumbers Assistant
- This blog is a compilation of Stanislav's Rants as they appear on Guido. It is neither operated nor sanctioned by him. If you don't like it, don't come back.
Elby the Berserk said...
Maybe Stanislav has been busy. Spying strangers. As for your finest insults, these will be the ones that go: you are a wanker, or, wanker, or, fuck off you wanker. The absolute elby tour de force is I'll kill you you fucking wanker. This is heady stuff. What fun you and Mr Electric Kettle must have together, you being a six feet six vagrant with a grade C O level in English, and Mr Electric Kettle being so sensitive.
It is obviously hard for you, having to live in hostels, consumed by unfathomable grievance. Unfathomable means very deep Mr Elby. Like what you're not. So deep in fact that you can't measure it. Best thing is go and get the last of the beans and chips before some other resident has them and pop over to Lillith's. She'll probably tell you about her best one hundred Boney M songs and Mr Electric Kettle'll be there bleating about Mrs Electric Kettle and all the little Electric Kettles. How can he choose between them and his blogging mission to the world? If he's not there you'll find him down the Cenotaph, doing some weeping. For the country. (Jesus, you people who speak English as a first language, do you have no shame over this warmed-up shit that you post, these empty cliches hoisted from magazines, this mindless unlettered ignorant targetless ranting. Its no wonder that Hain and Co shit in our faces, if people like you are the opposition, how they must laugh. Down the house of commons: That numbskull Enby, he said wanker again, He said what ? Never, he didn't say wanker did he? Again? Fuck me, Sir Gus, elby saying wanker, time to panic. And the awful thing is that Guido world sparkles with wit and erudition, with righteous anger, with painstaking, investigative citizen journalism and, especially on caption day, excruciatingly sharp one- and two-liners. And then, also, there is you. There are ranters here whose bile spills joyfully off the screen, hot and righteous; others wax bittersweet, sorrowful and lamentatious. And then, also, there is you, shouting wanker like a schoolboy. There is Patriotism outraged, Decency offended, there is incredulity and an urge to vengeance. There is the wry and the imaginative, the fanciful; the scholarly and the eloquent, lampoonery, spite and satire. And then there is you.
I must have missed all those friends of yours who -what was it again? - twatted me off. It will be, though, a long, cold day in Hell before you could string together even a tiny phrase that would ruffle the feathers of the humblest Polish plumber. You should treat this patient reproach as the first step in the education you so sorely missed. Print it up and stick it on the wall. Along with your pictures of Jordan and Kylie Minogue.
If 6here is a tide in the affairs of man I do hope you and yours are not it.
There is one redeeming and darkly amusing feature to all this stupidity and that is the idea of somebody like Mr Electric Kettle having a blog; poor Polish plumber far too modest. And got job to go to anyway.