Mr. Sam said...Harro! Mr Sam here, owner of the Fuk Yoo Ken lestaulant in Rewisham, South Rundon.

Mr. Sam said...

Harro! Mr Sam here, owner of the Fuk Yoo Ken lestaulant in Rewisham, South Rundon. I aporrogise for not lighting lecently but you lemember I had to crose other Fuk Yoo Ken lestaulant in Rambeth because lobbing clunt Mr Rivingstone set the lates at clushing revel. He also want to crose me down because I not brack. Now I have smaller estabrishment in next bollough.

I forrow storly of Orympic frame last reek and am wullied. I not rike to see Chinese lunners in brue halassing Miss Huq. They are blutes, golirras. Mrs Sam and I not applove of Chinese hoorigans in Tibet and Nepor. I come to Engrand to ribelate famiry from Mao burries and make honest riving in own lestaulant.

Mr Blown, Plime Minister, is sirry man. He should have glabbed frame and rectured on human lights in flont of clowd, not stand there rike glinning morlon. Maybe Miss Huq not give him frame because she not want gleen bogeys to lub off.

Anyway, Mr Rivingstone rook in at Fuk Yoo Ken lestaulant yesterday. I not see him for reeks because he lun for erection as Chairman of Rundon with Mr Bollis from Burringdon Crub and Mr Blian, poofter porriceman who want glass and heloin to be regal.

I say: "What you want for runch today Mr Ken?"

He say: "I not come for runch. I come for you give me Chinese gril."

I say: "I not give you gril, Mr Ken. You ask for grils before, this is not a blother. And I lead in paper you have many other grils and make them plegrant but not mally them. So why you want Chinese gril?

"Cos my wirry is like bloomstick in morning" say Mr Ken. "I am hung rike Orion"

"Orion?"

"Yes, you sritty iriot. Hung rike a rion. Big cat, king of follest."

I not quite understand.

"You copurate with too many radies, Mr Ken. In China such loose molars are disglace. Why you come to me for more?"

"Because Chinese lunners in brue have some pletty grils with them. I think you can plovide one."

"I not know lunners in brue" I say roudly. "I lenounce them. Anyway, I fix you up with Miss Fifi-Monique before and you comprain."

"I comprain because Miss Fini-Monique was RADYBOY. I cannot bleed more splogs with radyboy."

"How many splogs you got, Mr Ken?

"Dozens of the blats" say Mr Ken. "I bleed them in the interests of equarrity and incrusivity. I have Rebanese, Lussian, Rat, Lwandan, Flench, Sliss, Sommarian, Rundoner, Itarrian, Gleek, Alabian and Cyllian, Camerloon, Palaguay, Nigelian, Moloccan, St Rucia, Amellican, and Firripino. But no sritty-eye blats. I must comprete the correction, so find me Chinese gril to get plegrant.

"Why you not mally any of them, Mr Ken? Make good rife?"

"Because wise man he say, why buy book when he can bollow flom ribalry."

Mr Ken go on: "Anyway, why you glumble about me sreeping with froozies when Mr Bollis do the same?"

"Mr Bollis take plecaution. He use contlaceptive Dulex, so no offspling."

"Mr Bollis is a plick" say Mr Ken.

I ask: "Do your splogs have watermerron smires?"

"THAT IS LACIST LEMARK" Mr Ken berrow.

"Only blinging some revity, being jorry."

"You'll be jorry solly when I crose you down, you sritty rittle cleep" say Mr Ken. "Why can't I have Miss Yasmine, waitless?"

"Because Miss Yasmine is NOT A SRUT, Mr Ken."

"Fuk yoo" say Mr Ken and regged it from lestaulant.

* * * * *

Rater that day Mr Bollis alive.

"What-ho, Mr Sam!" say Mr Bollis. "Gleetings to you! A word in your rughole."

He come up crose to risper. "Any danger of a pletty rittle Chinese gril this evening?"

"How about Miss Yasmine, waitless?" I say.

"But you alrays say Miss Yasmine is crean uplight gril, Mr Sam."

"She is. But Miss Yasmin tell me lecently she rike to copurate with man with brond rocks."

"Jorry good show! Bling her on. Got any Dulex?"

To be continued...

7:31 PM, April 15, 2008