Stanislav said...Interviewed on Radio Orkney this morning, the nation's favourite singing postman, Alana Johnson

Stanislav said...

Interviewed on Radio Orkney this morning, the nation's favourite singing postman, Alana Johnson, said he'd be fucked if he'd carry the can for a load of lazy, overpaid consultants and slatternly nurses having killed hundreds of their patients. If these lazy bastards are too busy counting their private practice money to wash their hands, what's that got to do with me ? Nurses? Everybody knows what they're like; rather stand around gossiping about tv and stealing drugs for their boyfriends than do any proper nursing. No wonder people are dropping like fucking flies. Only last week I had a young Polish migrant -very welcome for the modern, changing, visionary, skills-based economy, I must say, and he was white - and he said to me, Mr Alana, he said, Stanislav go in Leicester Hospital get fixed up little problem, see dirty nurse, hundreds of them, not wash hands between blood test, not change manky dressing, leave old people lie in shit. Not give drugs, not feed, not wash, not do fuck all. Stanislav come running out when mad drunken doctor Brown cut off toe by mistake and say Stanislav fault. Stone fucking crows Mr Alana, cor blimey. Quite healthy when go in infirmary but get all fucked-up with MRSA and wrong surgery; is like fucking Buchenwald in Leicester hospital, have highest rate for patient neglect since Nuremberg. Is like fucking holocaust. What you is gonna do, Mr Alana. Well, as you might expect, I told him straight off that this was the best health service in the world and if he didn't like it he could fuck off back to Poland, he was lucky we let his sort in to England in the first place; I had to close the surgery now and go on Desert Island Discs, so he could fuck off and take his beetroot with him. And next time if he wanted me to do something, bring a proper bribe. Its that fucking Patsy Hewitt, fucking dumb cow, what does she know about running a health service ? It's all her fault. Shouldn't put women in mens jobs. That Oona King, now, not bad for a darkie, she could explore my ethnicity issues alright.


Joining the interview from the radio car, television's popular ginger celebrity doctor, Dr Phil Hammond, a ginger doctor, said it was all their own fault. If these people are determined to get ill and go and bother the doctors and nurses well, what do they expect? And anyway, it's all very much exaggerated, only a few tens of thousands of patients are killed by their doctors and probably only the same number maimed and crippled. I mean, its much more if you count those killed by the lazy GPs over and mis-prescribing, neglecting and in some cases, just killing patients because they feel like it. I mean, the vast majority of people killed are killed by their doctors, and who could ask for better than that?

Although speaking for myself I always make a point of getting someone to wash my hands for me before I appear on TV, generally the make-up girl will do it, we simply can't expect busy professionals earning hundreds of thousand of pounds a year to be bothered with this sort of hand-washing nonsense. I mean they have lives, mistresses, holiday homes, investments just like the rest of us. We mustn't expect too much from them. The sign of a true professional is that he (or occasionally she) is above matters like mere hygiene. Everyone has to die, don't they, so what's all the fuss about ? Heard the one about the old lady with dysentery ?

Dr Phil Hammond, a ginger doctor, is appearing on any third-rate quiz show that'll give him a few quid. The singing postman is in pantomime every week in the Cabinet Room, Downing Street. And arrogant, overpaid, incompetent, unaccountable, self-policing, money-grubbing, bullyboy doctors, reinforced and sheltered by S-class-driving accountants, management consultants and other thieves, are killing patients every day in a hospital near you.

2:39 PM, October 11, 2007