Me and Guido; libertarianism, but only up to a point, mind. AN OBAMA FUNDRAISER

(The following was pre-censored from order-order - the N-word, y'see, upsets people.)

Trying to get a meal down Mr Sam Wu Chu's but he was too busy with the VIPs; saw this on the telly:


An Obama Fundraiser


"Mah Fellow Niggah-luvvin' Liberals, Hillbillies, Rednecks, Bible-thumpin' motherfuckers and White Trash sonsabitches,

President Obamalamadingdong calling y'all. Now Ah knows Ah ain't no kinda niggahs' niggah. Fact is, Ah ain't hardly no kinda niggah at all. Ah's a bit black fo' sure, on the outside, but you ain't never gonna see President Barack Obamalamadingdong sittin' down to a mess a grits, not when there's foie gras and chablis to be had, what kind of dumb motherfuckin' niggah'd do that shit ? Bitsa fat pork and rice and stalk-eyed, creepy-crawly motherfucking shit from the bottom of the river where everybody takes a dump ? No fucking way, man, that this so-phisticated motherfuckin' sonofabitch gonna be eating that shit. Leastways not unless some motherfucker is there from Time Magazine.

Seein' as how Ah am a Senator an' all, Ah got me a five-star cook from Paris, France back home in Chicago an' if I go in the kitchen and say, On-ree, mah man, how's about some hominy grits, dude, and some jelly beans and some corn fritters and maybe some blackeyepeas, Ah just know that motherfucker is gonna take one look at me an say Vous can kiss my frog ass, s'il vous plait, M'sieu, le president, Henri not come to US of A to cook fucking entrails, bits of merde an' grease, some fucking Mississippi monster fricassee, zut alors, fish lips an' foreskins and shit like that, Sacre bleu, that ain't no haute cuisine, that ain't no nouvelle cuisine, that there is sorry-assed, shitpoor niggah food, this motherfucking soulfood shit, M-sieu Barack, sautee of racoon with cornbread and motherfuckin' molasses, this is a la fucking carte from the motherfuckin' slaves' cafeteria. And Ah'm telling you, mah fellow liberal niggah-luvvin' motherfuckers, that Frog sonofabitch be on the first plane back to the Champs fucking Elysee. And Ah'll be stuck here cooking mah own burger avec fromage with pommes frites and le diet pepsi, sure as shit. And who, mes amis, wants to be without the hired help ? Even if the dude is a frog and shit down a hole in the bathroom floor.

But anyway, mah fellow, middle class liberal motherfuckers, you was all askin' me about penal reform. Over a million black, black, black, motherfucking niggah rapists and murderers and gas-station stick-up artists and all kindsa sub-human, cocksucker shit held in lockdown maximum security conditions that's worse than them fucking mediaeval dungeons and mosta them niggahs ain't never coming out, them niggahs done got their sorry black asses buried alive, they ain't never gonna see no more pussy, they ain't never gonna have a crumb a human kindness, they ain't never gonna see nothin' but concrete and razorwire and dogs and guns and batons and teargas and evil, vengeful, eye-for-a-motherfuckin' eye, punitive shit like that. Them sonsabitches try and get a few zeds at night and some redneck, honky, shitfaced, Alabama Jim Crow KKK warder come right along, whistlin' Dixie and whack his nightstick all along the bars just to keep Leroy wide awake, repenting of his Oh-fendin' behaviour. Them niggahs is like disproportionately convicted to the Nth motherfuckin' degree. And many a them motherfuckers, they's just railroaded straight to Hell by some white DA, some white jury, some white judge and like as not by their own white motherfucking attorney and maybe didn't even do no motherfucking crime in the first place - 'part from bein' a niggah - and people say to me Mistah President, whatchall gonna do about this shit ?

Well, brothers, sistahs and motherfuckers, we don't talk about that shit, here at Team Obamalamadingdong, the impact of slavery and ghettoisation, ain't no fucking way that's gonna get me in the White House. We is all for black folks, just as long as they's like white folks, obedient and up to they asses in debt and patriotism. Nosirree, we don't go there because them hard-time niggah motherfuckers don't have a vote so, in a great democracy like this, they's not even worth talking about, not even once every four years. But Ah, too, have a dream - Ah dreamed, by the way, brothahs and sistahs and motherfuckers that Ah was over in England where the fag president, that nosepickin' dude, don't bother himself none with all this election shit, just get the job because he wants the motherfucker so bad and then hang onto it even though the whole motherfuckin' place is going down the john, while here, Stateside, we still gotta go through the motions and like y'all got the chance a choosin' between the zillionaire pigface pussy-chewin' bitch and her pimp, Spunky Bill; the cockamamie senior citizen dwarf with that motherfucking acne all over his face an madder'n a a trunk full a spanners, or me, Uncle Tom. But back to my motherfucking dream. Ah have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of motherfuckin' brotherhood and when the drug deal done go wrong them cocksuckers all blow each others motherfuckin' heads off, with high calibre, motherfucking automatic weapons, pump-action shotguns and Ay-Kays and Em Forties and shit but that the American way, motherfuckers, brothahs and sistahs, will prevail., Lord-a-Mercy. That the white man will be set free, on pro-bation, and that the niggah criminal will be set, once more, in chains and ropes and shackles, cast down, brothers and sistahs, in the narrow cells and dark places which admit no hope and certainly no motherfuckin' charity. And that the white liberal motherfucker folks'll all vote for me as their Uncle Tom president. 'Slong as they got one of us motherfuckers in the White House, see, they can do whatever shit they like on the rest of them; burn their asses and pop their eyeballs on Death Row, why that dude Clinton, the so-call Nigras' champion - Yall hear what he done say about me? - everytime he got hisself elected to the White House he'd just roast him a celebratory niggah boy or two just to show how tough he was, and mebbe get off a little bit, get hisself some action off one a them volunteer cocksuckers they have in the White House. It was like Spunky Bill's own personal Thanksgivin', only with a roast Nigra instead of a roast turkey. President Dubya, he'd hang 'em high, fry 'em slow, strap 'em kindly to a table and fill 'em full a humanitarian poison and pray his ass off for their black souls or just plain let them idle sonsabitches sink or swim in that motherfucking hurricane shit, down there in BigEasy voodooland. An' if he got real pissed off with the non-white element a Creation he'd just up and start a fucking war against them raghead motherfuckin' sonsabitches, blow 'em all to Hell and steal their motherfuckin' oil. It's the Uncle Sam way. Done gotta speak Peace unto the heathen motherfucker. And kick his ass.

Speakinawhich, motherfuckers, Ah will continue to take those itty bitty bitsa welfare that remain after the great reforms a my predecessor and I will take that money, every last Goddamned nickel and dime, brothers and sistahs and motherfuckers, Ah will take it from them feckless niggahs and trailer trash and return it to right where it naturally belongs, with the executives of corporate America who so generously bought my black ass in order that I could run mah campaign. Just y'all watch and see if Ah don't.


Y'know, mah fellow motherfuckers, the African-American, or the niggah, make up more'n twelve percent of Uncle Sam's children and yet he don't own but less'n one tenth of one per cent of Uncle Sam's wealth. An' that's why y'all should vote for me. Ah ain't one a them nasty niggahs, with a great big black dick, mebbe two feet long and gonna stick it all up yo white women's asses. Ah ain't one a them niggahs keep banging on 'bout slavery and whippings and hangings and castrations and gangrape and fire-bombing and all a them facets of our great heritage; y'all know what Ah'm saying, ethnic cleansin' a them injuns and that little coupla centuries a niggah community programme work, they's all a necessary part a the development of this great nation; one nation under God, e pluribus unum, motherfuckers, means we all in this shit together, the Ku Klux Klan, John Birch, they's all good ole boy motherfuckers, got nothing to fear from President Obamalamadingdong. Why, snakes alive, brothahs and sistahs and motherfuckers, wasn't for the people-traffickin' a them early pioneers of free enterprise, wouldn't be no Goddamn niggahs here for y'all to be liberal about in the first place. Wouldn't never a been no SwingLow SweetChariot, We Shall Overcome shit. Wouldna been no Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles bumpin' into each other down there at the civil rights march, wouldna been no Joan Baez destroyin' the motherfucking ozone layer with all that Godawful fuckin' shrieking. If there wasn't no slave trade and no niggah lynchin' wouldn't be no motherfuckin' culture worth Jack Shit here in the home of the free. Be one dumbass motherfuckin' niggah president who'd wanna go against all that historical weight of patriotic cruelty an' oppression an' I sure as shit ain't gonna be that dude; when in the White House, do as the white folks do; selling postcards of the hanging, 'sgood enough for me. Things all gonna stay much the same niggah-wise around here, served us all pretty good so far slavery, ethnic cleansin', segregation an' Big Macs with extra fries; rally round the flag, y'all.

And anyway, whose motherfuckin' cause y'all gonna get up on ya hind legs about then, iffen we let all the brothers outa jail? Ain't no need to get all liberal about the Jews, them Hebe motherfuckers got the place all sewn-up; even though them sons a Abraham dudes done mutilated their peckers all to shit, motherfucker, cut the end right off that sonofabitch is what they do, I'm not shittin' ya. OK, maybe them little Jewboy babies done need a place a safety order being slapped on their asses, keep their litttle winkies the fuck away from them scalpel-waving Semite sonsabitches but basically Hymie don't need no special pleading. Micks, Krauts, Chinks, Spics, Wops, why, bless my soul, motherfuckers, they don't need no liberal conscience to protect their ass. Them motherfuckers OWN organised crime. Poor niggah just gets to deal a bit a crack cocaine, a drug specially invented to fuck his sorry head right up and get his ass in jail for nine hundred and ninety nine years, motherfuckers. Judge give Leroy a millenium's wortha cold, hard time and say Don't do it again. And just as long as them motherfuckin' trailer dwellers got some tee-vee to watch and some guns to loose off now and again, they all just be happy as motherfuckin' Louisiana hogs in shit. We all start treatin' the niggahs better an y'all lose your purpose in life; then y'all just gonna have to become motherfuckin' vegetarians. Just like Ay-dolf Hitler.

You know, motherfuckers, mah old nanny used to say to me 'Barack, you spoiled little prick, I ever tell you that without that cheap cocksucker Judas Iscariot wouldn't be no motherfuckin' Christianity ? No niggah motherfucker'd ever go up in Heaven, 'cross the River Jordan. Wasn't for brother Judas, nobody'd a ever heard about no River a Jordan. Wouldn't never a been no James Brown, no Elvis Presley. No blues, motherfucker, no gospel singing. Every motherfucker'd be a flesh-eatin; headshrinkin' pagan sonofamotherfuckinbitch cannibal, or a Goddamned motherfucking Jew, or maybe the whole fucking world be full a Godless, heathen bastard, motherfuckin', shit-eating, communist, faggot presbyterian sonsabitches, just like in Scotland, England. Wouldn't be no cathedrals, no motherfuckin' art, no music, no sculpture, no literature, was Judas, y'see, motherfuckers, by betraying the dude, Jesus, done made the whole Western civilisation shit happen. And now folks who wouldn'ta had no kinda job without ole Judas rollin' over on the Saviour Hisself is up there in the pulpit spittin' out the word Judas like it was the Devil's very own ee-jack-u-late. Dude done wasted hisself anyways, lynch his own sorry ass from a tree. What more do these fucking sonsabitches want ? You'd think every motherfucking Pope in history fall down on his Nazi, Jew-baiting knees and kiss a picture a Judas's asshole in sheer motherfucking gratitude but instead ole Judas is as popular as the clap in a nunnery. Now ain't that a crockashit, ya little motherfucker ?' 'Swhat she done said to me. 'Without no motherfuckin' traitor ain't no motherfucking Church a Jesus H fuckin' Christ. All down to the little fink, lee Harvey Iscariot'

An' just like our own Sweet Saviour, I have been, brothahs and sistahs and motherfuckers, forty days and forty nights in the motherfuckin' Wilderness with only a little bit a cocaine and a few hookers to comfort me in my hour of tribulation, motherfuckers. And Ah have been smitten by the Clintonite, the McCainite and the Lord even sent to sorely try my ass that shit-eatin' wopbastard sonofabitch, the Giuliani-ite. But just as long as that unnatural woman keeps a goin' with her motherfuckin' lies and misfuckinspeakins an' just as long as that motherfucker Gore stay where he belong, in motherfuckin' history, then brothers an sistahs and liberal niggah-luvvin' motherfuckers, We Shall Overcome. Or Ah will, anyways. Praise the Lord, motherfuckers.

Ah have climbed me up the high mountain, brothahs, sistahs and motherfuckers. An' I have looked down off the top a that motherfucker, brothas and sistahs and motherfuckers. An' I have seen the promised land. And I beheld a sight for sore and weary eyes, children, brothahs, sistahs and motherfuckers. Ah saw a land laid out before me rich with promise, and flowing with all that milk an honey shit, and the little birds in the trees was singin' the Hallelujah Chorus - and if all you niggah-luvvin' liberals all wanna raise y'voices up to Godamighty and shout Hallelujah for President Obamalamadingdong, why, this motherfucker ain't gonna stop your asses - and the fields was rich with every kinda shit you could wanna eat an' the roads was all toll free, gasoline was free, every motherfucker had a kickass, six-litre Lincoln motherfucking Continental and there was free mother-raping, granny gangbangin', dog-fucking, shit-eating, corpse-banging, porn-o-rama on the tee-vee for every freeborn American motherfucker who wanted it. And that was every last motherfuckin' one a them patriots.

But all that good shit was just for the decent white folks. The niggahs was all down the other end a the Promised Land; a few of them was scrapin' at geetars with bitsa broken bottle, but mostly they was just ragged and threadbare and hungry, pickin' cotton and shining shoes and a goodly number a them was in jail and some a them swingin' from the trees. And them hate-filled, mid-western pussywhipped, gun-toting nee-fucking-anderthal German motherfuckers, they was all stacking the shelves of Brother Walmart just like they was born to do. And that Promised Land, was the American Dream; there, right before my motherfuckin' eyes. White, Anglo motherfuckin' Saxon and Pro-testant. And Off-White, like me.

Ah was a good student. I had all that niggah shit educated right outa my black ass. An' I learned all that Judas business from my nanny. An' I learned too, 'bout sincerity, offa that slimy, Limey cocksucker, Tony Blair and his Godamned motherfucking hideous bitch, Imelda - anyone try an' pimp that ugly bitch starve to fucking death, motherfucker, starve to fucking death. All you gotta do motherfuckers is fake that sincerity shit. See, motherfuckers, just like NewLabour done over in Limeyland, outa great betrayals can come huge and highly profitable motherfuckin' enterprises, for the few but obviously not the many motherfuckers an' with your help brothers and sistahs and liberal niggah-luvvin' motherfuckers, that's exactly what Ah'm 'bout to prove to y'all.

You can fool enough a the motherfuckers enough a the time. Ask not, therefore, motherfuckers, what your President can do for you, but what you can do for your President; send not to ask, motherfucker, for whom that bell toll, it done toll for another backward niggah on Death Row and remember, motherfuckers, John Brown body may be mouldering in the grave but once we gets us the nomination we is gonna party all night long. Mine eyes, brothas and sistahs, done seen the Glory of the coming of the White House. Goodnight motherfuckers and God Bless America."


Although blacks make up 12 per cent of the population they own less than a tenth of one percent of the nation's wealth - much of it derived from slavery or ethnic cleansing - and they form nearly fifty per cent of the US prison population; there are seven times as many blacks on Death Row as whites. The land of the free jails more of its citizens than any other Western nation and to less preventative or rehabilitative purpose. Attorney and wannabee president, Obama, like the witch Clinton, believes in the lockdown, the thousand year sentence and the death penalty being applied to the people he calls, for electoral purposes, his own. He is adamant, though, they roast the right niggah and not the wrong niggah. That, motherfuckers, wouldn't never do.

Posted by stanislav's blues at 12:00

Taken from Stanislav's blog: Stanislav's Blues (click title for link back)